Trick or Treat

So I've decided on the Cat in the Hat for my Halloween costume although, I might do Charlie Chaplin just so I have an excuse to purchase a bowler hat (re-uses, recycle).

Here are my Halloween Plans:

Oct. 30th - Kandy Halloween at the Playboy Mansion www.thekarmafoundation.com for tickets! Its for a good cause so support it!

Oct. 31st - Miami's OHWOW Gallery Debut in LA. Check out their website and come to their LA Event! www.oh-wow.com

courtesy of OHWOW (Raul Sanchez)

I will have candy for those little trick or treaters that do come to my home. I'm leaving it on my doorstep since I won't be home. So come on by its a free for all!


My Scary Movie Selections:

• IT
• Psycho
• Halloween (the orginal)
• A Nightmare on Elm Street
• Saw (part one)
• Exorcist (part one)
• The Executioners ( lol not that scary I promise)
• Trick r Treat (released last year Anna Paquin  of Tru Blood is in it I liked it)
• The Shining
• The Poltregeist
• The Blair Which Project
• Carrie
• Scream

I LOVE HALLOWEEN. More than I love Christmas...

"trick or treat, trick or treat, give me something good to eat and if you don't I don't care I'll pull down your underwear!"

Till next time...
Lights out.

Blinkers

Today I will be giving a short lesson about your Blinkers "turn signals".

When to use it and How to use it.

For those of you who don't know what a blinker is, it is what a person, who drives a car, uses to signal a turn; also known as your "turn signal." It is usually located on the left side of your steering wheel and can be described as a protruding stick that goes up and down. Take a minute and play with this protruding stick... If you push the stick up it will activate your right turn signal, if you push it down it will activate your left turn signal.

Blinking Jackets for Bicyclist

Now, I know some of you may be wondering, "Who doesn't know that?" But apparently in the United States people have forgotten what these lights mean. To begin, we should be grateful that we have access to such high tech stuff (sarcasm). People in China have to ride their bikes and where these glowing Jackets or use hand gestures, while Americans drive these Chinese made cars and forget that there is a reason that stick is protruding out the side of your steering wheel and NO, its not happy to see you!


Now that you understand what your blinker is and how to use it let us continue on to when to use it. Below I have put together a list of scenarios that are appropriate for blinker usage.

1: Making a Right or Left turn at at stop sign or red light.

2. Making a Right or Left turn at a green light.

3. When switching lanes in traffic.

4. When switching lanes and no one is around.

5. When cutting Me off for a parking spot.

6. When parking.

7. When turning into or out of an In and Out Burger or any other fast food chains.

8. When getting onto the expressway and off the expressway.

9. When getting pulled over by law enforcement.

10. Most importantly during your driving exam.



I hope that this lesson has given you an insight on Blinkers turn signals. NOW FUCKING USE IT!

When is Enough, Enough?

"The Jersey Springer Show"

I would just like to say, thank you New Jersey for the hours of entertainment you provide me and billions of people across the world with.

Who needs Jerry Springer when you have The Jersey Shore and The Housewives of New Jersey. I mean talk about about "Situations" and cat fights. Although, I am a huge fan of Snooki, I think she even knows that Jersey does have a certain appeal to it and it definitely involves GTL (gym, tanning, laundry).

What the Jersey Shore Taught Me:


1.GTL: Gym, Tanning, Laundry - So many may think this is crazy but I seriously did none of these things till I was introduced to the Jersey Shore. I now do my laundry more than once a month (when I'm not traveling), I sit outside in my bikini without sunblock and I bake away my skin cells, and well, the gym thing I'm still working on but, I'm three quarters of the way there!

2.No Panties Allowed



3.When it comes to drinking, NO WATER or other nonalcoholic beverages allowed unless it is mixed with an alcoholic beverage.

4.GUIDOS!!!!!



5.Shades a must everywhere even to bed.

6.Being arrested is cool... Thank god I got that night we don't speak of under my belt, now all I need is a bitch fight on the boardwalk and I'm set!

7.Fist Pump!!! The world of my fellow party monsters will have forever changed due to the introduction of the FIST PUMP!



8.Last but not least Beat the Beat! First you start real low than you beat the beat!!



stay tuned for what the Housewives of New Jersey have taught me...


Till than, Lights out!

The Hair Down There

So today I had an interesting talk with my friend who for the sake of this post we will call Ernie.

Ernie thinks my personal choice of not shaving or waxing any part of my body everyday deals with age. He thinks that a real bad ass woman is always ready for any scenario, and things such as upkeep of the hair down there, are a priority. Now I'm not saying that there aren't woman out there who never miss a wax appointment, but the reality of it is that IT DOESN'T MATTER! Men can't and won't say no because of some hair and if they do than you are with the WRONG GUY!

I don't know any guy who sits there and shaves his balls every time he goes out? I personally think if you meet a girl and after a few shots of patron you persuade her into your bed and then you discover a perfectly kept Va-jay-jay then, you may want to rethink that situation and definitely wear some protection. Any girl who is single, truly single, is either really lucky to be picked up the exact night she decided her bush needed a makeover or she knew she was going to show that bad girl off to some Guido Hipster from the bar. I personally have no reason to shave every day but, that's not to say I never shave for a man, it just has to be a very special man.

Smooth legs and a smooth Va-jay-jay should be a treat not an expectation. Its hard work keeping up with all that. Sometimes we get off track and it takes time to get back on. Sometimes we're lazy or tired. And the most shocking reason of them all... Some woman LIKE IT THAT WAY!

My friend recently introduced to me this pubic hair dye product called Betty Beauty! AAAAA-MAZING! They have all the colors of the rainbow and natural colors as well the product could be bought at Sally's Beauty Supply or online at their website, and from what she said works wonders on the hair down under. http://www.bettybeauty.com/

So before you say to your significant other... "Hey can you do something about the jungle down there!" take a moment to appreciate it and maybe even have some fun and dye it different colors. After its dyed take a razor and carve your initials on it and call it your very own piece of art.

That's all till next time ... Lights Out!

The Double Standard Standard

Alright so I may upset some of my girls with this one but, the truth is to every double standard there is a double standard!

What do I mean?

Example: The double standard that men can cheat and women can't is equally matched with the double standard that women always get off on tickets.

Along with many other double standards us women are just as sneaky and evil as men.
We act innocent and naive, but the truth is we are doing exactly what they are. Its not intuition its guilt! I know in some cases its not true but in most, it is.

The other day I was speaking to a friend and her Fiance, and he told me that no single women should ever pay for dinner. He said that every night single women should be on a date getting her free meal for the night even if she had no interest in going any further than that date.

I thought about this and it made perfect sense. He was right.

Along with free meals, women never have to pay for drinks and sometimes vacation.

We get off of speeding tickets, we don't have to wait in lines at the clubs, we don't have to pay to get into the clubs, we are almost always welcomed wherever we go, we get to kiss the same sex and its considered hot not "gay", we can get our eyebrows waxed, manicures and more with out being labeled and last but not least the bend and snap. When worst comes to worst, women have the ability to bend and snap catching the eye of any horny creature around! Although I am not proud to say these things, I am definitely lucky to have all that power at the tip of my hands.

So ladies when you sit and think about it we are way better off than men. Let them have their minute double standards in life, they can never catch up to us.

We are the forbidden fruit.
We are the producers of life.
We hold the key and the power to everything.

And ladies that is the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me BOB.

That's all for tonight.

Till next time ...

Lights OUT!

Lil' Wayne's New Music Vid!

Lil' Wayne's New Music Vid!
Can you spot me?

Lonely Ladies Sex it Up!

This ones for my ladies out there. Have you ever been so down that you just didn't know what to do with yourself? What about a night where you and your partner are in a fight? Maybe a night where you miss your girlfriends or family? I think every person can relate to these emotions, unfortunately, this usually only helps GAY men and women.

Yes ladies I speak of the one, the only Sex and the City! This is the ultimate therapy during tough times. Its every day lives of 5 women whom we all relate to in some way and situations which we all have or will encounter some point in our lives and in love. (yes they do it while wearing great fashion, but its part of why we love it)

We cry
We laugh
We smile
We frown
We love

ALL in ONE show!

With that said ladies if you're ever down, don't frown, turn on your ON DEMAND or pull out your Pink Book and a bottle of wine or maybe some snacks and release yourself with Sex and the City re-runs. I like to watch the movie when I am really sad and I just gush my eyes out when Big walks out on the wedding, in the end I feel great because I released my sadness through the movie with out feeling ashamed for sitting at home, sad and alone. (not crying just sad).

Can't wait for Sex and the City 2 out tonight at MIDNIGHT!!!!!

The UMM Word!

So um it really um bothers me when um people use the um word um all the um time!

Today um I enjoyed um a great lengthy conversation with um someone from um the Oxygen um Newtork and this is how um they were um speaking to me.

If you work for um a large um Network and um you are reading this.. Would you want to sound um like this?

Um I don't think so!

So um why do we um all try to be um a little more um aware of um our speach impede-ummmm-ents!

With that um said I am um more than positive that this um posting was um incredibly annoying um reading because um you just want to um get to the freaking UM POINT!

Till next time...

Ummm... Lights Um.. OUT!

Nice: The New Bitchy?

This is a story where Nice turns Bitchy!!!!

I recently invited a friend of mine to stay at my place not expecting she would be the house guest from HELL! OK maybe I'm exaggerating, but she was the closest thing to that!

She stayed here a total of 16 days and as each day drew closer I realized sometimes being too nice can turn you into being too BITCHY!

I pride myself in being nice and understanding because more often than not, I am. Unfortunately when you add a new city + limited furniture + work + house guest + an 8 month year old poodle and a tight budget, i believe the only answer to this equation is SUPER BITCH!

I couldn't tell her anything though. I couldn't explain to her that 40 dollars for a 300 dollar grocery bill was not alright!!

I couldn't tell her that I felt scared for my dog because she constantly left small things that he could choke on around the house!!!

I couldn't tell her that I was scared of coming home to a burned down apartment because she consistently left the stove and oven on!!!!

I couldn't tell her any of this because it was ultimately my fault. Its not that she could not hear these things, but instead it was I who could not say these things to her.

I'm just too nice and too understanding to the point where my anger at myself began to drive me nuts. ALL and I mean every little thing that could bother me, DID!

From her hair in the tub, to her absent mindedness, to her blatant lack of consideration or at least it seemed blatant to me.

I was over her stay and excited for her to leave! I learned a few things while she was here in My LAnd...

a. People need space
b. dogs are sensitive
c. always lay down the law
d. don't drink and make plans you may regret later
e. when it comes to being nice it can bite you in the ass
f. better to acknowledge and move on than holding on and complaining
g. just worry about yourself than once you have that figured out you can worry about others!

She wanted to move here and stay with me for a month. After her trial period I decided this is one time where I had to say NO! Our friendship would probably be over by the end of 31 full days together, in my tiny one bedroom apartment. Nothing is more valuable then my friends and my personal space. These are two things you just cant mix for long periods of times.

Show me someone who can and I can show you thousands of more who can't.

Lesson learned.

Till next time. Lights OUT!